The Doctor, the Pilot and Jayne
by MonkeyHead
Summary: Warning: So much Kaylee and Simon fluff you could make a peanutbutter sandwich. Ha you thought it was something totally different didn’t you!


The Doctor, the Pilot and Jayne.

MonkeyHead

Disclaimer – Yup they're mine , Mal, Simon , River , Book , Jayne , Wash , Kaylee, Zoe , Inara …the whole kit and caboodle . Watch out for us on our new cutting edge reality show The Real Verse: Serenity.

Warning:Mild Sexual Content up ahead

"Is there something wrong Dr Tam, is it serious, do I need further treatment? "

Dr Simon Tam furrowed his brow unconsciously running his hands down the crisp white doctor's apron covering his token silk vest and button up shirt but he did not wear a pair of hygienic rubber gloves…they would not be needed during this examination.

He made a noise in the back of his throat somewhere between the lines of an hmmm and a sigh. He leaned forward to feel the glands of the young woman arranged on the medcot in front of him looking at him with anxious expectation and…another almost hidden emotion depicted in her face.

The doctor lessened the pressure of his fingers brushing them against the woman's throat with a gentile touch feeling the soft hair tickling his fingers. He studied the girl's mouth betraying just a bit of a quiver as the smallest of shivers ran through her body, then let his stare to her raise to a pair of eyes still trying to stay filled with concern and suppressed a smile

He placed his hands back at his sides and let another minute of silence pass fighting to keep his neutral expression when he noticed that she was trembling slightly.

"Well Kaylee, "his voice was firm and confident, no awkwardness, no fumbling, not in this room, "that "pain" you've been feeling is actually quiet serious but has a very easy and common treatment. "

Kaylee let an audible gasp escape from her lips trying futilely to keep her face full of confusion and bewilderment as the doctor ran his fingers down the sides of her upper torso. He had already eased off his apron and vest and was now flicking the buttons of his expensive dress shirt open.

"Dr…. Tam?"

Lifting his white under shirt from his surprisingly well toned chest he finally let the smirk he was trying to stifle sneak onto his lips.

"Though I must warn you the treatment will be invasive. "

In another room a very angry Jayne growled savagely,

"Damn rutter, you aint suppose to use broken glass bottles in a fight, " he wiped some blood surging from the large sinister gouge in his forehead , some of it trickling in his eye blinding him a little.

Mal raised his eyebrow at the bleeding man,

"You know as I recall you were the one who slammed the wooden bench over his head. "

"Don't matter using glass still aint right! "

" Looks like your gonna need some doctoring, Wash, "Mal looked at the Hawaiian shirted pilot, "go see if you can't find the good doctor."

Wash looked at the expectant captain for a minute wanting to tell him to shove it and go get Simon himself, but Wash wasn't a confrontational person, so whenever he was annoyed with Mal he would usually wait till he was at least ten feet away and mutter his anger under his breath which he did as soon as he crossed the ten foot boundary.

"Why can't he get Simon himself, what am I his underling? It's funny that he hates the Alliance so much when he's such a freakin possessive dictator. "

While walking into the cargo bay he heard a loud moan but dismissed it as Simon fixing up Kaylee in the infirmary which is where he headed but as he got closer he began to notice something was …what was happening through those windows? As he kept walking he became more and more disturbed and finally realized…..

"What the …oh my." He quickly turned around walking away as fast as he could without being noticed.

When he reentered the bridge Mal looked annoyed,

"Where's the Doc?"

Wash opened his mouth and closed it wondering what to say,

"Well he's in the infirmary but uh…well he has his hands full at the moment."

Mal started to say something but Jayne pushed him out of the way,

"Oh hell, I'll go get him myself. "

"Wait…Jayne no! ", but Wash's protests were in vain because Jayne continued to stomp to the infirmary like a bull in heat that had just sighted a cow with an ass that won't quit.

"What the! Ching-wah Tsao duh liou mahng ( frog humping sonofa$& what the Hell is going on in here! ", was heard throughout the dense walls of Serenity.

**3 days later **

(You know I kinda wish this was being narrated so a big booming voice could say that….All right….on with the story!)

Jayne please you need to sit on the medcot I can't take the bullet out of your arm without you sitting down. "

"I don't rutting care I aint sitting in that chair!"

Simon sighed trying to stay calm,

"Jayne you need to be sitting…"

"What's going on in here? " Mal entered with Zoe and Wash in tow," what's with all the shouting? "

"I aint sitting in that chair! They were fucking in that chair! "

"Jayne just…what?"

"They were fucking in that chair, Simon and Kaylee were fucking in that chair! "

Kaylee started to walk towards the room to see what the commotion was about but promptly turned around to go hide in her room when she heard those words.

Mal raised an eyebrow,

"Well that aint at all hygienic. "

Simon began to redden which only got worse when Book walked into the room looking very confused, River following after him. She looked at him for a minute and then said,

" Playing Doctor and other role playing sexual games can be because of psychological insecurities which may lead to mid-life crises tendencies when men reach their 40's….You know I'm never sitting in that medcot again . "

"Wait how did you… "but Simon stopped when the young girl touched her head. He looked around waiting for Kaylee to come in the increasingly stiflingly crowded room and grimaced when he heard Books embarrassed " Oh…my, " simultaneously realizing Kaylee wasn't coming.

Mal crossed his arms over his chest,

"Jayne just gets in the chair and let Simon operate on you. Simon when your done clean this chair with whatever you can so all of us can forget you had sex in it and keep your kinky little games away from the infirmary , the kitchen table or anywhere else other then your cabin . "

Wash looked at Zoe, who shook her head and whispered in his ear,

"Don't worry we'll still have sex on the kitchen table, "Wash began to open his mouth but Zoe interrupted him, "and Mal's bathroom. "

Soon Simon and Jayne were alone in the infirmary, Jayne grumbling irritated and Simon getting his instruments ready.

"Hey Jayne you know how I said I would never harm you?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah I'm starting to reconsider that. "


End file.
